Last Post

I will be closing this blog due to the fact that it has a ton of personal info on it and a blog will open to all readers including coworkers so that they can keep up with my school venture.

Love to you all... Tawny

3 amigos, 3 stooges, 3 blind mice...

Where have I been????
It was Victoria's (middle) birthday a couple of weeks ago and I finally got to dress up to go out-- neither have I done in a very long time. It was a great night where they sipped wine and I nursed a diet coke. We all ended up wearing black, though it was not planned. This weekend we are all meeing up in Walnut Creek for Christmas shopping, hot cocoa sipping, and twinkle light watching.

Starting tomorrow is the 70th annual basketball tournament here at the college. I am involved behind the scenes with it at the moment, but I get to sing the national anthem tomorrow for the opening game. This next 3 days is the best 3 days of the year because I feel normal. 3 straight days of people all around me who are over 6 feet tall. *Sigh*

On the baby front, I went over to see Amanda this past weekend, and Paige and Levi are so freaking cute it's unbelievable! Their actual due date was Nov 29th so at around 8 pounds they both look huge now compared to how they did when they were born-- but technically they are just at newborn weight. Amanda definitely has her hands full, but she wouldn't want it any other way.

School is looming over me like a freight train. I bought a backpack and an ipod so I am ready to try and blend in. The problem is, I am afraid of my age sticking out like sore thumb, but worse yet, I am afraid of my age not sticking out like a sore thumb. I gave my notice here at work and have been humming and skipping and happy ever since. The secretaries in the next office are pretty happy too-- with me leaving they get to change my position to be subordinate to them, something I have fought from changing for the last 6 months. Let them do what they want-- I am outta here!

I joined Christmas choir so every tuesday and thursday night I am busy learning the new music and once again trying to blend. Last week we tried on red sequined choir tops that are supposed to be long sleeved, but the end of the sleeves must have been scared by my wrists because it jumped back a good 6 inches and stayed riiiiight at the ugly spot where you know the shirt is too short. I look ridiculous, but if Jesus does not mind then I don't either. Mom started the choir with me last week, but had to kindly recede back into the congregation after an exhausting week of choir, wedding planning, and Christmas.

Oh yeah! There is a wedding to plan! Laura and I have met a couple of times with pens and paper and ideas, and I'll tell you-- that girl knows what she wants. I just love her to death. We talk about music and cakes and flowers and hair and all the subjects that makes a girl tick. I have my orders of things I can help with, which I will do in my "free time" i.e. after December 21st when I become unemployed...

I am looking forward to spending this holiday season with my family and friends, and I wish some of you were closer. I have received Alysun's Christmas letter and I loved that I am more in her life now because of the blog then just a Christmas letter every year. It made reading what she wrote all the more special. Emma wants a Bible name, ha! Tell her that it was almost Delilah and she won't mind anymore :)

20 days until Christmas!

Perfect Timing, Perfect Love

It was the annoucement we've all been waiting for, and yet still cannot believe. Mick and Laura announced to the family last week that they are going to be married on February 9th! I'm going to have a sister-in-law-- and an amazing one at that. Here they are pictured in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle, decorated for the holidays. This is the place where Micky proposed to his very own princess (soon to be Queen!)

We're all so excited, and not just because Mick is getting married, but that he is getting married to her. From my point of view, watching Micky and how he is with Laura has changed my perception on love entirely. I'm glad that they are here to stay, because I can't imagine Laura and Mikey not in our lives.

Tawny Jr.

I am Junior at Simpson University! What a week it has been, deciding and finalizing, and just simply resting in the fact that the Lord wants me to go to this school. I will give my notice at work soon, and already plans to move are in progress. Luckily I won't have much to drive up to Redding, so mostly I am trying to prepare my heart and mind for a whole new life.

Scholarships can be sent c/o Student #917147. Ha, just kidding. I don't even have a student number yet :)

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

At a Precipice

Let me just say, for the record, that I love babies. Here I'm holding Madison Louise Dean less than 24 hours after she was born. Now that I think about it-- that was soon! But I went to the hospital to see my friend Shawna and to go take pictures for the announcements, so I was there on business (baby business). The reason that I thought to put this up was because Shawna just came to the office with Madison to visit and I got to hold her again. Who can work when there are babies around???

Amanda continues with the good news of her babies, as Levi is over 6 pounds now, and Paige is right behind. She posts pictures on her blogs and is now is a holding pattern at home waiting for her kids to get stronger. What an incredible year that family has had. Amanda is my hero.

My friend Jen and I went to Simpson University this past weekend. I did not want to go because as of Sunday morning, I was going to attend the local CSU, but I figured I could help Jen get set up. I was secretly hoping that I would hate it all so that I could come home with my decision made. Let me just say: It was a great trip all around. Everyone we met couldn't be nicer. We went to dinner with Cathy, who owned our potential housing, and we had a ton of questions, stories, and plans (although we asked her to hold off on reserving both rooms until after we met with campus advisers the next day) . We had a hard time sleeping where we stayed which actually made for a productive night. I was up at 4:30 a.m. putting together a list of questions, concerns, and negotiations that I would need fulfilled before considering attendance to the campus. The sleeplessness made for a long day touring the campus, but at least I came prepared. We both felt raw emotionally and had to really stop and take it all in. My expectations were exceeded as far as what Simpson is willing to work with: my credits placed me at junior status, the money was halfway there, and I could get done in 4 semesters. All no problem. Where does that leave me now? Exactly here, at a precipice, overlooking what could be and what is. I have the option of going to Simpson all tied up in a neat little package sitting there waiting for the Lord to say its ok to open it. During my sleepless night I pulled My Utmost for His Highest off of the shelf and turned to Sundays date. The following passage had me stunned into submission, for I don't want to be in the way of anything that the Lord is doing. I have to remove me from the equation altogether and let the Lord do the work he wants to do. That being said: I'll let you know when I do!

The Supreme Climb
"Take now thy son ."
Genesis 22:2
God's command is - Take now, not presently. It is extraordinary how we debate! We know a thing is right, but we try to find excuses for not doing it at once. To climb to the height God shows can never be done presently, it must be done now. The sacrifice is gone through in will before it is performed actually.

"And Abraham rose up early in the morning and went unto the place of which God had told him" (v. 3). The wonderful simplicity of Abraham! When God spoke, he did not confer with flesh and blood. Beware when you want to confer with flesh and blood, i.e., your own sympathies, your own insight, anything that is not based on your personal relationship to God. These are the things that compete with and hinder obedience to God.

Abraham did not choose the sacrifice. Always guard against self-chosen service for God; self-sacrifice may be a disease. If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential order of God for you is a hard time of difficulty, go through with it, but never choose the scene of your martyrdom. God chose the crucible for Abraham, and Abraham made no demur; he went steadily through. If you are not living in touch with Him, it is easy to pass a crude verdict on God. You must go through the crucible before you have any right to pronounce a verdict, because in the crucible you learn to know God better. God is working for His highest ends until His purpose and man's purpose become one.

Debt is a four letter word

Something happened last week that is changing my life. I paid off my debt to my parents for past money woes. That means I only have my car payment left, otherwise I would officially be debt free. The weight that lifted off my shoulders was incredible and I have literally lost 5 pounds since. I was in my own private prison.

Because of this life changing event, my thoughts on school have been challenged. See, I thought with having the slate wiped clean, I could go into any school and be ok with starting to rack up the school loans, because school loans are good debt. But because of what I have been through, it does not seem feasible to get a degree that would cost me 3 times more at a private college. This is just one of the many reasons that make Simpson look like it is not going to work out. Simpson is not letting me start as a Junior because not all of my hard earned units will transfer, and on top of that they are requiring 15 units of Bible courses before graduation, which is an entire semesters worth (I am not complaining about Bible courses, just the tough standards for transfer students). If I start at the local CSU, then I be in 1/3 less debt in the end. That way, when I graduate at 29, I don't have to spend my 30's paying it off. Of course a month ago the local CSU was not an option, so the fact that I am back here and ok with the idea is amazing to me. God even brought me a potential roommate if I stay here so I can move closer to the campus. I will still go and check out the Simpson campus next weekend, but please pray for wisdom in this decision.

Ugly is the New Pretty

Here is a photo of me the day before my ugly transformation... and then a photo of my metamorphasis into Betty Suarez, aka Ugly Betty. It was such a fun day, including the winner of the costume contest being yours truly. We had a potluck at work and I actually went for my daily walk in this costume. I'm growing weary of the eyebrows though...I want my makeup and fashion back!!!

Additional Photos:

From the Desk of Tawny L.

I would like to announce that I have been officially accepted at Simpson University. Oh my goodness... I am going back to school. I couldn't be more terrified or excited. Exciting is winning out though because I get this chance of a lifetime. It includes already finding a place to live, thanks to Aunt Marlene for caring, and to Cathy for saying yes. Cathy is a friend of Aunt Marlene and lives in Redding (and now a blog reader, so please keep what you actually think of me to a minimum...)

My friend Jennifer is also going and we are waiting on her acceptance. A trip to Simpson is schedule for Nov. 12th (Veterans Day, we have off of work, but the college does not) to finalize details of our relocation. Thanks for all of your prayers and encouragement and I will keep you updated via this blog as much as possible. Think of it as Nanny Tales meets 18 and 19 year olds. Part of me is already irritated at the youth of the group I will be learning with, but part of me is glad that I never went any earlier.

Also.... I am 4 hours closer to Oregon. Alysun-- maybe your babysitter dreams are going to come true!

I won't be leaving until after Christmas, so there is still precious time to spend with my family (and dog!). Until then you will probably have to read about my beef with credit cards and how layaway should be brought back and if credit cards were stripped away, we be surprised about how much people actually had. Ooops, guess I just covered it. Happy (and careful) seasonal spending!!!

My best friend at work had her baby this weekend and I got to put together the announcement :



Madison is the last of my friends/family babies due this year (that I know of!), and it's going to be a fun ride helping as many mommies out as I can!

The Birds and the Bees-- literally

Even though I vowed to stay away from the place, I decided to go to Olive Garden for lunch with my very pregnant friend Shawna yesterday. She is due any moment! Anyway, she has been off for a couple of weeks from work and it was great to see her and catch up. Instead of ordering the soup, salad, and breadsticks (butter and garlic free breadsticks for which I get an eyeroll from the server everytime. Thanks for the tip, Andee!), I opted for a real pasta meal at this lunch. I mean really-- how bad could it be? I ordered the Chicken Gnocchi Veronese figuring I had blown my 1,200 calorie diet for the day. It came and I studied the dish. It was a Chicken breast surrounded with baby dumplings with cucumber diced on top as a garnish (cucumber is healthy right???), drenched in a parmesan and ricotta cheese sause. My thought? Well, at least it's not alfredo sauce. I slowly ate everything except the noticably buttery sauce parts. Intrigued, I came back to work only to stupidly google how many calories I just took in. I actually had to google it twice because I did not believe the numbers the first time. The grand total of the damage done to my body was: 3,751 calories.

I know. I cannot believe it either. Aren't restaurants restricted from serving meals over 2,000 calories??? They should be! I did not blow one days worth, I blow 3 days worth. For dinner last night, I ate an apple. As I was sitting at the dinner table with my family, they were contentedly chomping on hamburgers and I was staring at the large jar of mayonnaise in front of me. 20 calories per servings, 62 serving in the jar. A quick math problem entered my head, but the answer did not come easily at all. Grabbing a calculator, that's 1,240 for the entire jar of mayo. I could eat 3 jars and not equal my lunch. The idea made me almost lose my lunch.

***

In a surprising turn of events, Simpson University in Redding, CA is now #1 on my radar of colleges to attend in the spring. There are manys benefits, one big one being how warm it is there. If you know me, you know what a draw that is. The sun is out 88% of the year there, the second highest in the nation. Thanks to hard work from my family and the Lord opening some doors, this possibility might just be realized. I would not be going alone, my friend Jennifer would also be going. She's the one who applied in the first place. God has a very mysteriously way of working things out (history: my mom went to Simpson so growing up I was always saying "yuck, I am not going to Simpson!"). There is much to do before getting accepted, but I will let you know when I do. Speaking of that, I got accepted into CSU Northridge yesterday, so at least I have options.

***

A bee followed me into the car at lunch today, and my coworker, Kaci, who was going with me to Subway, had to lean over after I stopped shreaking and thrashing to roll down my window and prod the bee outside. She was surprised at how freaked out I was but after the wasp incident, I am a little skittish. She said she is more afraid of birds than of bees. How does one become afraid of birds?

***

Bill Cosby was on Oprah yesterday. I think he is the only one who gets it. Bill Cosby for president!

***

Heather is not the best top model contestent, or even the smartest, but boy does she crack Mallory and I up. Go Heather!

Bang bang

Here is the after photo. I like the change, but when I was getting it done, I decided I did was not doing it to like it or not like it. I did it because I wanted to make a decision, stick with it, and see it through. I know-- its only hair, but this was a big step for me. So, score one for the 27 year old reformed non decision maker.

Speaking of that, the decision to enter college is weighing heavy on my heart and life. Like I said before, I am positive about going to school, but the where is the question. I literally feel 1,000 pounds as I weigh my options. I am heading out next weekend to look at more schools, so please pray that God clearly directs my path.

Baby Spencers funeral was so very sad. We were handed programs on our way into the service and inside it said “If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.” It was as gut-wrenching as it sounds. But it was a beauiful service. And there is good news! Paige and Levi are growing so very strong on their own and the doctor's think it will be only about 3 weeks now until they come home. I can't imagine Amanda and Brians relief at having them come home.

Yesterday cousin Kevin Friesen came to town, and he is looking and doing wonderfully! It was great to see the light in his eyes and the passion for his job. We had coffee at Starbucks and usually we talk about life and our mistakes and how we are going to fix them the next time (to prove that we got the lesson instead of just saying we did.) I ask so many questions about Kevin and his life and about his kids because his responses intrigue me. I told mom last night that somehow I just get his words, and that he has done more to pastor/mentor me this year than anyone else has had the chance to. It is truly a blessing the friendship that I have with him. He's not perfect, but that's what makes it so cool. Turns out I am not perfect either. (I know, it was a newsflash for me as well).

Oh, and I want Heather to win Top Model. She is not the prettiest or Miss personality, but I think she has one heck of a story.

Fridays Thoughts

Summer time here is California seems officially over. I know beacuse it has happened again. The first day of cold comes and I throw open my closet and I have nothing to wear. Nada. Ziltch. The one jacket I thought I did have has stains that I never noticed before and now I realized that I have over given clothes away. Again. I literally cut my closet by 30% when I go through my closet and thrown things out or give them to Goodwill, and I do that about two times a year. I know I am not buying clothes at the same rate, so I literally make it so that I have nothing to wear. Winter clothes are the hardest for me to keep because I rebel against winter and freeze by not having the appropriate clothing. In the fight between me and Winter, Winter always wins.

Also, I do not like winter for another fashion reason: long sleeves. When you are six feet tall, there are just not sleeves long enough out there to actually cover your arms. If you are my size/height, then that throws you into the "large" category which means the sleeve will be long enough, but the armpit is at your elbow, and you will be swimming in your top. There was help with the 3/4 length movement, but I have a feeling that that's not always going to be around, or its in a yucky style. So, for the next 6-7 months, I will be awkwardly trying to hide my wrists.

Take a good look at this photo. I am using it as the before. I am going out on a fashion limb and getting bangs cut this evening. I know, I know... bangs are so 4th grade! But wait! Bangs are making a come back. I made the appointment tonight to get my hair lightened, but when I analyzed it, I think I am just needing a style change. Dark hair with thick, piecey bangs might be good. If not, it will at least hide my crying eyes.

Speaking of crying, this has been the week for it. On Tuesday night I found out that baby Spencer's funeral is tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. I am so anxious to see Amanda just to hug her! My sister works for a children's clothing/toy store and Amanda's mom and sister came in the get the funeral programs. It's so sad for everyone involved. Please pray for the family to make it through the day-to-day when you get the chance.

Alanis debuted a new song on House, M.D. this week. It's a great song to cry to. I would know.

I love you all.

Pain and Heartache

Yesterday my friend Amanda posted that one of her triplets, Spencer, was not gaining weight. She sent out text messages telling people to pray for him, for he needed a blood transfusion and he was not even 3 pounds yet. The procedure went well and then he needed to go back on an IV and the doctors said there was no cause to worry.

Then this morning I got an update that Spencer was very sick and needed to go back on oxygen. More prayers, more pleading with God to give this tiny life a chance. Today at around 6pm I got a text message that he had a rough flight to Stanford and was undergoing surgery. My phone buzzing woke me up at 10:30 tonight, saying that Amanda and Brian have lost little Spencer. Amanda pleaded for our prayers as she "doesn't know how to survive this."

Oh God, how does a mommy... daddy... family survive this? How do you prepare for 3 and then come home with 2? My heart squeezes in pain. Hold her and Brian in your arms, please Lord. And take good care of Spencer. He was so very precious to us all.

Spencer pictured here, between Paige and Levi. They kept him warm, with Paige kissing his head.

Micky's 30th Birthday Party!

It was the best of times, it was the best of times... Dickens had it all wrong. My family threw Micky a non-surprise 30th birthday party at my aunt and uncles house this past Sunday evening. All Micky got to know was the guest list and the fact that it was a Red Sox party, but we kept the rest of the details from him. Details included: A two and a half tier baseball cake made by Laura's good friend Jen; nachos, hot dogs, and clam chowder for dinner; crackerjacks, peanuts and redvines for the guests; and a personalized montage of Micky in Sox clothing throughout his entire life (put together by Mallory). We asked everyone to come dressed in their favorite baseball attire and most people did. Almost 40 people came out to celebrate Mick's life. We all had a blast. Enjoy the photos!

Also, here is a link to our dog, Zeke, singing Happy Birthday to Micky. Well, sort of.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AVPChBpkrc

Auntie Debbie touches Melissa's stomach. Melissa is having a baby in April!

Micky, his girlfriend Laura, and her son Mikey helped us to celebrate!

3 times the fun!

Remember how I was bragging about my friend who was expecting triplets? Well, they're here! Amanda and Brian welcomed Paige, Levi, and Spencer on September 19th. Though they were born so little, they are happy and healthy and I swear you could just stare at them sleeping all day (I've been to the hospital about 3 times now, doing just that!). Amanda has started a blog on their progress, as they will be in the hospital for a little while still. Check out my Triplets link to the right.

A quick rundown of premiere week...

**This includes spoilers of all of last week's shows. If they are still unwatched on your TiVo, stop reading now**

Chuck- One of the few new television shows that I ventured to watch. Like I needed to add anymore to my tivo, but this looked kinda cute. And it was. Kinda. Cute. Still I was entertained by the spin on the Geek Squad calling the ID guys "the Nerd Herd". I laugh every time I see the previews where the Nerd Herd car is speeding past 2 stoner/skateboards to escape the bad guys and one goes "Whooooa. Computer Emergency!" Chuck is nerdy in an adorable sort of way. The girl who plays his agent looks so much like Carrie Underwood that I call her Carrie. The best friend is a Seth Green-like character that I could really enjoy watching. I give it 3 more episodes to thrill me.

House- This is the greatest show on TV if you are not watching it already. From season to season, they have kept continuity and balance, having him be the same jerk he always was. Only I swear the storylines and the people and scenarios just get better and better. In the premiere, House is trying to break into a locked house and another doctor leans over his shoulder and said, "I'll bet that looks easier on youtube." Very modern and funny. I like it because he is mean to people and I am not. He is Bizarro Tawny.

America's Next Top Model- Ugly is the New Pretty. Yikes and bow wow to all but one. But still into cycle 9, the photo shoots are so much fun to watch!

Private Practice- Madison should have stayed on Grey's. Everyone ended up liking her on Grey's but I don't think they liked her enough to follow her to this show. She is great—don't get me wrong. The camera loves her. But the new cast and crew and the petty divorce arguments is what I want to see on Grey's, not somewhere new.

Life- This was supposed to be the grab-your-attention pilot but I paused it at least ten times to get things done (maybe because I was sitting too long this week watching tv???) but actually I really think that this just wasn't all that good. I wanted it to be good because I think Captain Winters (Bands of Brothers) deserves my undivided attention, but this just reeks of corniness. The meditation, zen, motivational, chakras-calming talk he gives himself are going to get annoying. Also annoying is the fact that he was just in prison for 12 years and cell phones and instant messaging are foreign to him. Didn't he ever watch 20/20 as I heard they love in the slammer? Yet the one redeeming quality is that he pulls his ex-wife's new husband over every time he sees him. That was the one guffaw of the show. Oh and what is his obsession with fruit all about?

Survivor- It's going to be really blah this year (but I am hooked!). Honestly, this season I am going to mute it and just watch James the grave digger as he wins every challenge just by being a brick wall.

Ugly Betty- I watched the first 2 seasons, missed all last year, and then came in again on the premiere. Bringing Rebecca Romijn as the "brother" just ruined it for me somehow. I do not like her or the character. But Betty, Henry, Daniel, the feminine guy, and his partner-in-crime (the now chubby secretary) are worth every minute they are on. Even Vanessa Williams gets on my nerves. I think its tall women under a size 4 that I can't stand. It is not clear to me, but I think Betty's sister lost her fiancée in the gunfight and she was flashing back the whole episode until the end. Is that what happened?

THE OFFICE!!!- No, it's not my favorite… why do you ask??? Oh my goodness, Season 3 the Office hit a slump and now it's back in an amazing stride. Kevin was more predominant in this show, and was actually spot-on character wise. The Jim and Pam moments had me squealing out loud. I mean, you know they had to be dating because she was wearing her hair down. I LOVE the subtleties of that because Pam in her own ratty-hair way is trying hard to impress Jim. They had seamless moments of genuine affection for one another even if it was only with their eyes. As for jokes, Michaels "I'm not superstitious, just a little stitious" was awesome and the nipple chaffing, and the stripper brought back as a nurse, and the carbo-loading RIGHT before the race, and the fact that the 5k was straight out instead of leading back to the office were all genius. I don't like cats, so the Angela storyline did nothing for me. High Five for the same religion!

Grey's Anatomy- Being the sentimental being that I am, I miss Addison and Dr. Burke. It's really bare without them. Meredith's sister is as skittish and dumb as she is (really? You are going to stand in front of a trauma to air out that you are Meredith's half sister and expect something other than "get out of the way??") I did have 3 moments to well up with tears. One was George stepping in to deliver the baby. The other was the 3 blinks that little girl gave her daddy (OMGoodness!), and then my tears poured when Lexi, the dumb half sister of Meredith, built George up in the locker room so that he could now feel like a super star intern instead of one who had to repeat his year there (unknown to everyone but Lexi). Watching more closely, I can't believe that Izzy won the Oscar. I think Sandra Oh deserves it every year. That woman can act. Oh and the George/Izzy thing can fizzle anytime. It's just wrong!!!

Weight loss is weighing on my mind

Although I do not have a recent photo of my entire body (on purpose) I would like to announce that I am at 145 pounds, which is back to my 22 year old weight. It's taken 5 years to get here. At my largest I was 165 pounds and although people tell me that being tall hides the fat well, I disagree completely!

Some of you may know that I have had major girl/females issues that landed me in the hospital last year with extreme inflammation. I could never loose weight because my stomach was literally bloated or swollen all the time. Yet, I had to find some way to conquer the weight thing regardless of what my body wanted to do (eat!) In March I stared memorizing calories and walking for a half hour in the morning and then yoga or jogging at night. I felt better, but I still did not see any significant wait loss. I was at 155 this summer and felt like I would never go below 150.

And then I took a claritin. I haven't had relief like this in about 4 years, and I take one everyday now. Food is no longer my source of fixing things. The only things I can figure is that I have an allergy that triggers my bloated gut and claritin fixes it. Seriously I am amazed at the difference and wish I had found this years ago. But, I know... there is a timing to all things...

So, I am about 5 pounds away from a new size--8! For anyone that is my height, you know that just to be in single digits is so very important. I will never be called "little" or "petite" but I love feeling great. Maybe claritin is not your diet plan, but I encourage you to get out and do whatever you need to do that helps you get out of bed in the morning. That first step is so important!

The incredible hair-color-changing woman

This update will be posted with a photo of me only. I had resolved long ago to no longer post photos of guys or boyfriends or dates or potentials or anyone who happened to fall in the background of a photo so as not to get my families hopes up. What?! Could Tawny have possibly found someone??? At her age???? I went against that resolve and now I must rescind those pictures, taking with me with I know to be true. That is-- he was not the one for me.

I have moments-- sometimes days-- of peace where I feel assured that everything is as it should be in and to trust God's timing and not mine. It took me 27 years (perhaps a little less, but this long to say it out loud) to realize that I am most happy and content being with me. With that realization, I started eating better, working out, going back to school... all so that I could be the best version of myself without anyone else. I love my family and friends, but my identity is constantly being refined with "who am I when no one is looking???" So even though I joke about my age, I think the best years are now.

With God I can go anywhere, do anything, and have purpose. My future is unsure, but at least it is exciting!

Double your freshness, double your fun...

Oh look, a blonde! Diana drove from Walnut Creek that night and met us in time for karaoke. The whole night I kept running into people I knew and I started looking for the "This is your life" cameras. There are those that say Di and I look like sisters. If I could be so lucky!!!

27!

Here are my friends all together at a birthday dinner for me on Friday night. We all gathered at a local restaurant and I was surprised when most of the girls said they would come because they might only know one other person besides me. While sitting at the table I took stock of all of my friends and decided that not only was I lucky to have them, but to have them all in one room together was a huge gift. Thank you to Alysun and Aunt Marlene for the birthday wishes (your card was perfect timing, Auntie! :) What a perfect way to turn 27. I promise not all of my friends are brunette!

Dog fight

On labor day, Mick had to subdue the dog, who wanted to be outside to play catch with Dad and Mikey. Micky is dating a girl named Laura and she has a boy named Mikey. They are an adorable family.

Puppy Love

Another highlight of going to Mandi's is-- she has two new puppies, Daisy and Duke. I got a TON of kisses that night.

Lone Survivor

I went with my sister Mallory to our friends house (Mandi) on Sunday night to "swim" (the water was too cold so I just lounged in my swimsuit and coverup). We had the tiki torches burning... until I got voted off the island.

Ring around the Posey

Me and the two flower girl models, Anya and Emma, had about as much fun as you can in the armpit of California. They were sassy girls and we ended up getting to walk together on the runway when the littlest said "I want to walk with you!" It made my heart squeeze. Please no comments on how giant looking I am.

Runaway Brides

Victoria and I again, pictured here in a dress that fit like a dream... though her dress is the one I have loved all along!

If you're going to San Francisco...

So, I have family getting married for real and I am still pretending. I modeled for the last time (I think... and hope) this weekend in Fresno. I was a really fun show, but the groom models were about 16. I decided that I need to retire when the average age is a decade younger than me. Time to let the young'ns dress up!

Patty Cake, Baby Cake

I went to 2 baby showers this past Saturday before noon. One was for my friend who is having triplets and the other is for my coworker/friend who is having her first child in October. It's all so exciting because both of these pregnancies are overshadowing a time when each of these mommies thought that they could not have their own children. So yay for God!!!! He is producing miracles left and right. My coworker, Shawna, decided to have other dessert at her shower instead of a cake and was worried that people might miss the "cake" So... I made her one for the present. It turned out to be the prefect gift holder!